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[MelMel]

I really thought that once I came out to my mother --and everyone else important to me-- that just being myself around strangers would be a breeze.

Didn't think that it would take me so fuckin long to rediscover who I really am, to bask in it, and be unabashed about it. After quitting my previous job with the crackers, I was afforded the opportunity to work with all Black & Brown folks and boy oh boy has it been just as fuckin terrible.

Im like one of the few Black men here, im the only fag (minus this fake DL nigga), and im the youngest.  Most of our patients are Black and Brown folks on the south side of Chicago.

I started getting triggered with every look, snicker, questioning if I was or wasn't, and every lil microagression aiming to make a judgement. I found myself inadvertently dimming my "gay" down. I wore my clothes a little bigger, I let little shit slide, I didn't try to create more space for other Black queer men outside of my office, and I didn't contribute to discussions when I knew ppl could have benefited from them.

Yes, I know survival in certain environments requires that but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in myself. I thought I was completely out and open but I still allowed some fuckin nobodies to affect me to the point of regression.

Update: Now Im working to undo this feeling.

sister!!!!!!!!!!! 

you are so brave either way 

[MelMel]

and not you reading the whites

I love you so much

[Young]

I really thought that once I came out to my mother --and everyone else important to me-- that just being myself around strangers would be a breeze.

Didn't think that it would take me so fuckin long to rediscover who I really am, to bask in it, and be unabashed about it. After quitting my previous job with the crackers, I was afforded the opportunity to work with all Black & Brown folks and boy oh boy has it been just as fuckin terrible.

Im like one of the few Black men here, im the only fag (minus this fake DL nigga), and im the youngest.  Most of our patients are Black and Brown folks on the south side of Chicago.

I started getting triggered with every look, snicker, questioning if I was or wasn't, and every lil microagression aiming to make a judgement. I found myself inadvertently dimming my "gay" down. I wore my clothes a little bigger, I let little shit slide, I didn't try to create more space for other Black queer men outside of my office, and I didn't contribute to discussions when I knew ppl could have benefited from them.

Yes, I know survival in certain environments requires that but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in myself. I thought I was completely out and open but I still allowed some fuckin nobodies to affect me to the point of regression.

Update: Now Im working to undo this feeling.

Omgoodness. I totally get you though. I had come so far with learning and discovering myself and who I am. And then I start working w/ the government again and I find myself toning things down ALOT. Its actually exhausting a bit. To have such a free and colorful spirit and then have to dim your light and energy for the comfort of others and/or just to alleviate any unneeded remarks or comments.

I totally am in the same space you're in with that! I want to get better as well.

[Kurama]

I really appreciate the feedback and affirmations yall. Thank you! 

[LOONA.]

You can be the most amazing person in the world but somebody will still have something nasty to say about you. That's just how people are.

I'm glad you're recognizing the mess and working towards fixing it though Bre.     

[Heated🔥]

Oh wow page 69.

[MelMel]

A little humble pie can do wonders.

Will definitely make sure it's always in my fridge.

how about I hit you in the face with this pie bitch

[Ｂｏｏｍｚ]

A little humble pie can do wonders.

Will definitely make sure it's always in my fridge.

Hopefully some bleach n arsenic as well

[MelMel]

idk

[LOONA.]

You go on that slave ship if you want...might not come back     

[Young]

I?ve officially put it into the universe

I?m getting a Brandy and Monica pic in 2018/2019

[MelMel]

I'm drunk

[BrokenHeartsHeal]

lets makeout

[MelMel]

I'm ready

[MelMel]

 Just my life to Level Up