Quote from: Purple Moon on May 20, 2024, 10:58:07 PMHaven't done one of these messy & embarassing posts in a while, so here we go.
So i'm going through my regularly scheduled moment of self-doubt, questioning past decisions and what-could-have-beens after an alcohol induced emotional breakdown last night. I don't drink these days (yesterday was an exception) and in alot of ways this incident and the aftermath made it seem like I haven't really made any progress with some of my emotional baggage at all, contrary to what I thought.
Anyways, that's kinda not the story I am here to tell. I had this sort of toxic, posessive, yet sweet and beautiful on and off relationship with this guy years ago. There were definitely alot of issues, which is why it was on and off but it was the only time a guy ever told me that he loves me and looking back I can see how it was a special bond and the passion and chemistry is something I haven't experienced with anyone else ever since.
Without giving too much information, at one point he got sick, lost all his hair etc and tbh I kind of didn't know how to deal with the situation and pulled away. That was in 2017. fast forward to a very low moment for me in 2022, I texted him, he did reply and we exchanged a few words but I immediately felt so embarrassed for trying to revive such an old romance. Also I didn't initiate a meeting, cause I thought he probably feels harassed by me texting him so long after I ghosted him (keep in mind though, this guy basically stalked me for a while after I ghosted him at one point, until I finally let him back in(to my life and house). This was in a way really cute.
Looking back to the 2022 messages, I probably could have kept the conversation going more but at the time I was so sure he wasn't interested anymore (which would be understandable).
Fast forward to my current weak moment, feeling somewhat lonely and asking myself what I'm doing with my life, I am again thinking about this man and wondering if I should give it one final try and possibly initiate a meeting. I know it's probably not good if this is coming from a place of feeling lonely and desparate and maybe it just proves that I'm stuck in a time capsule, unable to emotionally grow and move on to new things - but part of me just wonders what if he still thinks about me too? I just want to be held by him.
Am I a desperate, needy mess or should I give it a try?
Toxic and posessive? That doesn't sound good.
(and doesn't surprise me since you mentioned he's Arab no shade lol
)
True connection and mutual respect is everything. It does kinda look like you're only reaching out to him for "desperate" reasons if you're willing to look past that. Unless he changed?
I'd say try to distract yourself with things that feel good to you.
