Quote from: Kurama on October 17, 2018, 11:31:01 AM
I get it. Men aren't conditioned to be emotionally expressive. Gay men (especially gay Black men) are conditioned to live a covert life for most of their existence, so lying can become an intrinsic part of who we are.
Still, how accepting/understanding of this should you be when trying to build a relationship with someone. How does anyone build a real relationship without vulnerability and honesty? How long are you supposed to wait (if you even are) for everyone to realize this and get their shit together? If they ever do that is.
This is really true. I had a hard time in the start of my relationship for this very reason actually. And I had to lay it all out on the line and kinda drag him for fckn filth for it. I had to let him really understand that we cant GO anywhere, especially on a deeper level unless you open up and get thing in order internally. And that I need honesty and transparency. I need soul to soul love, not just keeping everything "cute" and putting on for the sake of it. It took a lil bit before it really got the way I wanted it to be tbh.
On the flipside, I myself had to realize that everyone is really different. I wear my heart and emotions on my sleeve and if I wanted to hide something, my face would say it anyway. So it was hard for me to understand his mentality behind being so closed off. But I would say there's no set time-limit on how long to wait for that kind of change. It really is a case by case basis mess. How long are you willing to wait, is the person worth it, is this the only issue they have, do they seem receptive to having dialogue about the issue(s), open to growth/change? etc...