I think it's one of those things best understood if you're a gay man.

especially a gay black man.
If "coming out" wasn't such a big deal or topic of interest, there wouldn't be so much controversy surrounding it whenever it's done.
It's definitely still is a big deal. Which is unfortunate. I don't think it should be either. But society says that gays are heterosexuals are not one in the same. So it will remain a big deal until we close that gap and realize that love is love.
Do I see that happening in my lifetime?
won't hold my breath.