So there was this guy I used to kind of date on and off. He told me he loves me and I said thank you, I didn't want a proper relationship as it wouldn't have worked (he could be very controlling and almost stalkerish, but at the same time he was one of the most passionate and sweet guys I have ever encountered).
I had been ignoring his last message for about 10 months. I wake up after a wild night out, only to find out I texted him back and he wanted to meet up. I always told myself I wouldn't do it again, but as he said he really wasn't doing well I felt sorry for him (and I gotta admit that I did miss him too). So my idea was to kinda try a friends with benefits mess with him tbqfh.
Long story short, I agree to meet up with him and he is sick. Very sick. Lost all his hair, eyebrows & lashes and actually doesn't know what kind of sickness he has, as the doctors are unable to tell him up at this point. But losing all your hair is never a good sign...
While he was telling me all this I felt like a horrible person. I had been ignoring him for almost a year, while he was going through the shittiest time of his life. He said that at one point it got so bad that he didn't even know, whether he wanted to stay alive or not - that made me tear the fuck up. Furthermore he said that seeing me again had made him very happy.
My thing is, I did not tell him I am interested in anything romantic, but what if he is starting to think that? Since this whole thing with him has always been complicated, I'm really not looking to be with him romantically anymore and tbh the sickness doesn't make it easier. So ideally I would be there for him as a friend if he needs someone to talk to.
Now I'm asking myself the following: Do I tell him directly that I can only be his friend but I am not looking to get romantically involved again? Do I go one step further and not meet him again at all as it would make things easier for me? My fear is that this will crush him, as he still loves me (tbh). What if he does something stupid? What if he just passes away and I was being a selfish bitch.
My friends are saying the following:
1) I shouldn't have met him again in the first place.
2) It is not my fault that he is sick.
3) He is not my responsibility.
3) I am probably only meeting him again out of pity.
So the opinions of my friends were kind of heartless and I was looking for some alternate views on this from you guys. Don't know why I chose Bsource actually, since this place is ruthless af but at least y'all keep it real.
* I am not trying to exploit this guys story by making this topic, I am genuinely looking for some advice. Also I am on a 8 hour train ride and have lots of time on my hands at the moment.
Hell no. If we weren?t friends post break up I can care less if you?re dying off.
I?m keeping the same energy we had through the break up.
If he wasn't a shitty Ex, and y'all maintain friendship post breakup I say why not... but you've been ignoring him for almost a year, and that says a lot also.
If he's sick HELL NO. :uhh:
Why do you feel you need to tell him you aren't interested romantically? You didn't mention at all that HE even said that or alluded to it. Are you jumping the gun assuming he wants anything more from you than someone to lean on from time to time
Quote from: BardiGang Sle on December 28, 2017, 03:00:56 PM
Hell no. If we weren?t friends post break up I can care less if you?re dying off.
I?m keeping the same energy we had through the break up.
that makes sense in a way.
Quote from: Tonkaman on December 28, 2017, 03:04:16 PM
If he wasn't a shitty Ex, and y'all maintain friendship post breakup I say why not... but you've been ignoring him for almost a year, and that says a lot also.
yea. and because u igged him for a year, there's clearly no friendship on your part. So being there for him, however frequent, depends on the kindness of your heart. you're not obligated.
Quote from: Aa. on December 28, 2017, 03:16:48 PM
Why do you feel you need to tell him you aren't interested romantically? You didn't mention at all that HE even said that or alluded to it. Are you jumping the gun assuming he wants anything more from you than someone to lean on from time to time
That's the vibe I'm getting when we meet now. And we never officially were together or broken up, but in the past it has always been a romantic relationship.
Quote from: Tonkaman on December 28, 2017, 03:04:16 PM
but you've been ignoring him for almost a year, and that says a lot also.
what does that say?
yea if i luv him
Quote from: BrandySavedMyLife on December 28, 2017, 03:19:16 PM
Quote from: Aa. on December 28, 2017, 03:16:48 PM
Why do you feel you need to tell him you aren't interested romantically? You didn't mention at all that HE even said that or alluded to it. Are you jumping the gun assuming he wants anything more from you than someone to lean on from time to time
That's the vibe I'm getting when we meet now. And we never officially were together or broken up, but in the past it has always been a romantic relationship.
if it's not too late, mention an imaginary boyfriend. If he stops reaching out for support, you'll know his intentions. and If the vibes change and he keeps its light and cute during y'all coffee outings, you'll know he just needs a familiar friend
s
no romance! I insist! not romantically involved! g-guys hear me out no romance!
I still don't get why most of y'all are so hard to be honest. This ambiguous shit will do more harm than good to your ex, unless you REALLY tryna mess with him again but you're scared he'll die soon. Actually, that's what I'm getting from you. If you texted him back while drunk then you actually wanted to regain contact w/ him deep inside :dead:
If you're that worried about his feelings then tell him you're not looking for anything special but you can be there for him if he wants to (and if his health is that much of a concern to you)
Quote from: Justaway on December 28, 2017, 03:24:35 PM
s
no romance! I insist! not romantically involved! g-guys hear me out no romance!
I still don't get why most of y'all are so hard to be honest. This ambiguous shit will do more harm than good to your ex, unless you REALLY tryna mess with him again but you're scared he'll die soon. Actually, that's what I'm getting from you. If you texted him back while drunk then you actually wanted to regain contact w/ him deep inside :dead:
If you're that worried about his feelings then tell him you're not looking for anything special but you can be there for him if he wants to (and if his health is that much of a concern to you)
Deep down I probably wanted to meet him again, you're right.
Quote from: Aa. on December 28, 2017, 03:24:12 PM
Quote from: BrandySavedMyLife on December 28, 2017, 03:19:16 PM
Quote from: Aa. on December 28, 2017, 03:16:48 PM
Why do you feel you need to tell him you aren't interested romantically? You didn't mention at all that HE even said that or alluded to it. Are you jumping the gun assuming he wants anything more from you than someone to lean on from time to time
That's the vibe I'm getting when we meet now. And we never officially were together or broken up, but in the past it has always been a romantic relationship.
if it's not too late, mention an imaginary boyfriend. If he stops reaching out for support, you'll know his intentions. and If the vibes change and he keeps its light and cute during y'all coffee outings, you'll know he just needs a familiar friend
That's a good idea. The problem is I already told him I'm not seeing anybody atm. I'll just say it wasn't anything worth mentioning but it is only getting serious now or something along those lines...
Quote from: BrandySavedMyLife on December 28, 2017, 03:30:30 PM
Quote from: Justaway on December 28, 2017, 03:24:35 PM
s
no romance! I insist! not romantically involved! g-guys hear me out no romance!
I still don't get why most of y'all are so hard to be honest. This ambiguous shit will do more harm than good to your ex, unless you REALLY tryna mess with him again but you're scared he'll die soon. Actually, that's what I'm getting from you. If you texted him back while drunk then you actually wanted to regain contact w/ him deep inside :dead:
If you're that worried about his feelings then tell him you're not looking for anything special but you can be there for him if he wants to (and if his health is that much of a concern to you)
Deep down I probably wanted to meet him again, you're right.
then you saw how he looks now and wanna change your tune. tsk!
boy, u always in sumn. and NO! Being sick doesnt mean all issues I had with u have magically disappeared. A nice call or text or sumn MAYBE but dassit
Quote from: Aa. on December 28, 2017, 03:35:56 PM
Quote from: BrandySavedMyLife on December 28, 2017, 03:30:30 PM
Quote from: Justaway on December 28, 2017, 03:24:35 PM
s
no romance! I insist! not romantically involved! g-guys hear me out no romance!
I still don't get why most of y'all are so hard to be honest. This ambiguous shit will do more harm than good to your ex, unless you REALLY tryna mess with him again but you're scared he'll die soon. Actually, that's what I'm getting from you. If you texted him back while drunk then you actually wanted to regain contact w/ him deep inside :dead:
If you're that worried about his feelings then tell him you're not looking for anything special but you can be there for him if he wants to (and if his health is that much of a concern to you)
Deep down I probably wanted to meet him again, you're right.
then you saw how he looks now and wanna change your tune. tsk!
As I said I kind of wanted a friends with benefits mess owt (although i knew he never would agree to such a thing). anything else wouldnt work with him though from experience. So him being sick like that and me using him as a fuckbuddy against his will would be pretty fucked up. And yes maybe I also am not attracted to the idea of anything sexual with him at the moment, I am going to be honest with you. I do still care about him though and that's where the whole thing gets tricky.
Quote from: Vonc2002 on December 28, 2017, 03:42:58 PM
boy, u always in sumn.
I know. I'm starting to think that I'm attracting MESS.
I think it's just the kind of person I am, but I'd start meeting him, if he asked to see me as one of his final wishes. At least check ins here n there. It doesnt seem like anything really romantic.. it's more like allowing him to close chapters and let him rest at ease. Youre not obligated to do anything just because he's sick, but I think it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't want to risk having that regret on my heart in the future.
Why tf would he be interested in romance when he?s going through hell right now? I highly doubt it
He probably needs a friend
Quote from: BrandySavedMyLife on December 28, 2017, 03:20:09 PM
Quote from: Tonkaman on December 28, 2017, 03:04:16 PM
but you've been ignoring him for almost a year, and that says a lot also.
what does that say?
That their wasn't anything really there, at least on your end. He is on his death bed, thinking of you and trying to contact YOU. But your feelings or what ever y'all had obviously wasn't that strong on your end if he was "great, amazing, sweet person" but you constantly ignored him. You don't really care about him, your doing it out of pitty and he obviously is probably thinking the opposite. I can understand your in a hard place, if your presence is making him happy on his last days I say why not, but not at the expense of yourself.
Quote from: Aa. on December 28, 2017, 03:35:56 PM
Quote from: BrandySavedMyLife on December 28, 2017, 03:30:30 PM
Quote from: Justaway on December 28, 2017, 03:24:35 PM
s
no romance! I insist! not romantically involved! g-guys hear me out no romance!
I still don't get why most of y'all are so hard to be honest. This ambiguous shit will do more harm than good to your ex, unless you REALLY tryna mess with him again but you're scared he'll die soon. Actually, that's what I'm getting from you. If you texted him back while drunk then you actually wanted to regain contact w/ him deep inside :dead:
If you're that worried about his feelings then tell him you're not looking for anything special but you can be there for him if he wants to (and if his health is that much of a concern to you)
Deep down I probably wanted to meet him again, you're right.
then you saw how he looks now and wanna change your tune. tsk!
I can?t read this in full
Weird that he doesn't kno what kinda sickness he has :unsure: