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[XXX.]

Here's my take on this and I have a few questions to ask first? Was she acting this way before she got pregnant? Because when a woman is pregnant her hormones are all over the place and that may play a part in her emotions. Now if she was acting this way before she got pregnant then that's a totally different story and she is definitely threatened by you possibly taking HER job and doing a better job than HER at it. That's a huge sign of insecurity on her part and if that is the case I suggest you have a meeting with her but have a liaison who can vouch on your behalf there as well and address your concerns in a cohesive and coherent manner to keep possible conflict from happening. But if she wasn't acting this way beforehand, just chalk it up to her fucking pregnancy hormones and ignore the fuck out of her and give a shady smirk and nod your head. Trust me, don't piss off a pregnant woman. Nothing worse than a pissed off hormonal pregnant woman. LOL

Thanks, Jay!

And it's hard for me to really gauge when everything started.  I've been with the company for a year.  So, by the time I started really getting adjusted in my role and finding my stride, she was pregnant.  So, I don't have a huge time gap to compare to.

My job is very fast paced & ambigious.  Anything can happen at any moment.  I've learned the true meaning of flexibility here.  And that's an understatement.  And I say that to say I know it has to be hard to be a leader in an industry that has dailiy change.  So, I'm trying to be a lot more balanced in my perspectives of situations that are affecting me.  What's the other view?  How do they feel?

But after my performance review yesterday, and getting such low scores on being a leader & being innovative...  I feel somewhat defeated.  The stress!  I can't even begin to tell you.  Low scores on being a leader, but I'm your go-to for all these meetings & tasks?

It doesn't even make sense. 

[XXX.]

I would say address your concerns with her. But she's about to be on leave, so this is really your chance to brand yourself and kinda take over . If you kill it, your reputation will speak for itself and you won't need her to sing your praises. Be creative with a new process or something that's totally yours. People above her will definitely notice.

Thank You!

This is good advice.  Someone I trust the most about career stuff, kinda like my mentor, told me the same thing.  My boss's boss - The Director - is a totally different type of leader.  Very hands-OFF and she's totally solution-ready & forward thinking.  She let's you take the lead and takes chances.  And she will be our back up while my manager is out.

My mentor told me the 3 months of my boss on leave is my time to step up and really slay.  And when my boss comes back, she'll just have to get with the program.  So, for that reason, I am looking forward to her leaving.

[XXX.]

Stand strong you beautiful black brotha.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[brocka4life]

Document everything. Especially when she asks for ideas and further explanation. Send it to her via email and save a copy so that during your upcoming review you can bring it to her attention to counter what she has graded you low on.

Try not to give her the power to change your mood. Base your mood on if you feel you are doing a good job. She's pregnant , so it's likely her emotion are all over the place, she has "pregnancy" brain, and she's hormonal.

I would have had a meeting about that "aggressive" comment tho.

[Sovereign.]

White people are truly the devil.


Blonde, you seem to be passionate about your work, but its all seemingly being put at a halt because of this wall you're coming up against. Don't allow to her to stifle your passion and gift. Know that when she's gone, it's ALL you!

[GRAND]

She wants you to be submissive.

If you do 'too much', you're doing her work better than her probably and stepping into her territory if you do too little, you're not useful at all. But that clearly isn't the case.

Honestly in the position you're in, I'd try to get that bitch booted or apply for a higher role. She isn't going to let you be as great as you can be.

She's probably insecure in her ability. Managers are usually very confident or extremely insecure. The insecure ones hate anyone that can do a great job. They feel threatened because they know managing isn't their forte.

[GRAND]

And yeah like real said, make sure you shine while she's gone and HER superior notices. That's all you really need.

[Scott.]

The bitch is threatened by you because she WANTS you to handle things while she's gone because she knows you'll get the job done. But at the same time, she knows you may do it so well that you will come for her position and she doesn't want that to happen.

[XXX.]

Document everything. Especially when she asks for ideas and further explanation. Send it to her via email and save a copy so that during your upcoming review you can bring it to her attention to counter what she has graded you low on.

Try not to give her the power to change your mood. Base your mood on if you feel you are doing a good job. She's pregnant , so it's likely her emotion are all over the place, she has "pregnancy" brain, and she's hormonal.

I would have had a meeting about that "aggressive" comment tho.

This is actually very smart.  I feel she documents every little thing, but I have so many conversations with her through work IM and in person that it's hard to really support some of my claims.

Thank You!

And thanks for the 2nd part too.  Naturally, I'm very hard on myself and can have a flare for the drama (I'm a Cancer!), and I act like the world is collapsing when she projects what I perceive as negative energy onto me.  Then, 30 minutes later she's at my desk tryna giggle and asking me if I want to order food with her.  Little does she know I've been sititng at my desk FUMING and texting my friends going at her head.   

The range of emotions I feel in a single day, some days at work, are very stressful.

[XXX.]

My boss is literally driving me crazy, because she is constantly sending mixed messages.  I work for a young & dynamic company that specializes in marketing.  I wouldn't necessarily consider it a "marketing firm", because we do everything from plan events around the city or work with major clients to help with major advertising campaigns, promotion, brainstorming, etc.

Well, long story short (as short as I can make it anyway)... My role is to really coordinate the "quality" piece of everything we do.  And in doing that, I am known as the police, because I'm always auditing everyone's work.  Well, ever since I started, there's this running joke around the office that I'm my boss's "henchman" or "assistant".  Granted, I do get a lot of busy work & she does groom me to kind of be HER when she isn't in the office, but I'm not petty nor do I go after people.  There's a team of 4 managers directly under my boss.  And the heirarchy goes down from there -- in office anyway.    My relationship with these 4 managers is rocky, because I "police" their people.  So, whenever I have to uphold the standards of quality and call out someone on their teams, they feel I'm personally throwing them (the manager) under the bus.  They're all so sensitive and any critique to a member on their team is like a reflection of them.

So anywho... to the POINT of where I'm going with this.  My manager is pregnant.  She has been telling me she wants me to run certain meetings and kind of step into her shoes when she is on her maternity leave.  She's let me know she is taking the ENTIRE leave and won't be answering calls or E-Mails.  But the problem I'm having is she shoots me down ANY TIME I step up to the plate.  And it's hurting my confidence.  I really try to go in and own these meetings, partner with the other managers, really just doing everything that she does without the extra authority (because I'm not their boss) --- And one time she told me I came off too aggressive!  As a black man, hearing that from a white woman really fired me UP. 

Especially because the managers actually told me they liked my approach.  I feel my manager is insecure that sometimes I do her role better than her, and she never praises me or tells me that it was good.  But yet AND STILL keeps hammering into my head that I will be the one running a lot of shit when she is gone.  There's so much trust in me and she depends on me, but never gives me her approval.  I am having a hard time being confident!

I got my performance review yesterday for Quarter 4, and she gave me low marks on Collaborating/Leading  and also Innovation.  We are talking about someone that is always asking for ideas & fresh new ways to do things -- but whenever you offer something -- she rejects it!


"YEAH!  Let me think about that!"
"Hmmmm.  I don't know about that!"
"Explain that a little more!"
"Let's circle back to that!"

In her mind, I think she believes she's this progressive hands-off woman.  But she is a micromanager, closed minded & way too structured to really grow.  She has to let go!   Because no one under her can truly grow.  How can you push your team to step up and own their role in leadership, but you make sure to knock them down a peg EVERY time they try?

I just don't know how to deal with this.  And it has literally been driving me CRAZY!

I adore you. I can tell you're very smart just by reading your posts.

Anyhoo...

Your manager wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants someone there to handle her job, but not TAKE it. Ultimately, I think that's what her fear is.

My advice would be to keep doing your job very well. It's not your fault that she clearly has control issues. However, I'd also advise evaluating whether or not this is the type of environment you'd like to stay in professionally.

You seem young, smart, creative and energetic. I can sense all of that just by my interactions with you on here. Make sure you're bringing all this talent to a place that really appreciates, recognizes and fosters it.

Thank you, 'Fro.

Honestly, all of this is very reassuring.  And makes me feel better about my situation.  It's so hard not to think I'm awful at my job when she doesn't give me her approval -- yet she's still adding more & more responsibility to my role.

I really appreciate all of the advice!

[XXX.]

White people are truly the devil.


Blonde, you seem to be passionate about your work, but its all seemingly being put at a halt because of this wall you're coming up against. Don't allow to her to stifle your passion and gift. Know that when she's gone, it's ALL you!

Thank you, bby!

[XXX.]

She wants you to be submissive.

If you do 'too much', you're doing her work better than her probably and stepping into her territory if you do too little, you're not useful at all. But that clearly isn't the case.

Honestly in the position you're in, I'd try to get that bitch booted or apply for a higher role. She isn't going to let you be as great as you can be.

She's probably insecure in her ability. Managers are usually very confident or extremely insecure. The insecure ones hate anyone that can do a great job. They feel threatened because they know managing isn't their forte.

I think she's insecure, but it's only because she doesn't come across as passionate.  She's a very structured & organized person.  Everything has to fit in a perfect box.  I've noticed she doesn't seem confident when dealing with people who are a little edgy and risk takers.  Everything has a training wheels approach, and she likes to take baby steps when rolling out anything.  But when I got hired, she sold me on this position as being an opportunity for me to shape and really mold my role.  What she didn't let me know is that she would have her hands completely wrapped in everything.

I actually do like her and appreciate her as a manager, but I'm just having a hard time lately. 

Thank you too for the advice!

[GLOCK]

hmm
i feel like sis is just hazing u to make sure u can take it because this probably the way they handled her when she was trying to get her foot in..
it sounds like she fully loves u and believes in u but wants to make sure ur better than ur best...
a tough love type mess..
i wouldnt take it too much to heart.. i think u should continue doing what youve been doing and be ready to really shit when shes gone so that she kinda has no choice but to praise u and give u the seal of approval that u want!

and shes pregnant ..so keep that in mind.. up and down emotions.. trash..

[XXX.]

hmm
i feel like sis is just hazing u to make sure u can take it because this probably the way they handled her when she was trying to get her foot in..
it sounds like she fully loves u and believes in u but wants to make sure ur better than ur best...
a tough love type mess..
i wouldnt take it too much to heart.. i think u should continue doing what youve been doing and be ready to really shit when shes gone so that she kinda has no choice but to praise u and give u the seal of approval that u want!

and shes pregnant ..so keep that in mind.. up and down emotions.. trash..

Thanks, ex-bae!

I never looked at it that way, to be honest.