My boss is literally driving me crazy, because she is constantly sending mixed messages. I work for a young & dynamic company that specializes in marketing. I wouldn't necessarily consider it a "marketing firm", because we do everything from plan events around the city or work with major clients to help with major advertising campaigns, promotion, brainstorming, etc.
Well, long story short (as short as I can make it anyway)... My role is to really coordinate the "quality" piece of everything we do. And in doing that, I am known as the police, because I'm always auditing everyone's work. Well, ever since I started, there's this running joke around the office that I'm my boss's "henchman" or "assistant". Granted, I do get a lot of busy work & she does groom me to kind of be HER when she isn't in the office, but I'm not petty nor do I go after people. There's a team of 4 managers directly under my boss. And the heirarchy goes down from there -- in office anyway. My relationship with these 4 managers is rocky, because I "police" their people. So, whenever I have to uphold the standards of quality and call out someone on their teams, they feel I'm personally throwing them (the manager) under the bus. They're all so sensitive and any critique to a member on their team is like a reflection of them.
So anywho... to the POINT of where I'm going with this. My manager is pregnant. She has been telling me she wants me to run certain meetings and kind of step into her shoes when she is on her maternity leave. She's let me know she is taking the ENTIRE leave and won't be answering calls or E-Mails. But the problem I'm having is she shoots me down ANY TIME I step up to the plate. And it's hurting my confidence. I really try to go in and own these meetings, partner with the other managers, really just doing everything that she does without the extra authority (because I'm not their boss) --- And one time she told me I came off too aggressive! As a black man, hearing that from a white woman really fired me UP.
Especially because the managers actually told me they liked my approach. I feel my manager is insecure that sometimes I do her role better than her, and she never praises me or tells me that it was good. But yet AND STILL keeps hammering into my head that I will be the one running a lot of shit when she is gone. There's so much trust in me and she depends on me, but never gives me her approval. I am having a hard time being confident!
I got my performance review yesterday for Quarter 4, and she gave me low marks on Collaborating/Leading and also Innovation. We are talking about someone that is always asking for ideas & fresh new ways to do things -- but whenever you offer something -- she rejects it!
"YEAH! Let me think about that!"
"Hmmmm. I don't know about that!"
"Explain that a little more!"
"Let's circle back to that!"
In her mind, I think she believes she's this progressive hands-off woman. But she is a micromanager, closed minded & way too structured to really grow. She has to let go! Because no one under her can truly grow. How can you push your team to step up and own their role in leadership, but you make sure to knock them down a peg EVERY time they try?
I just don't know how to deal with this. And it has literally been driving me CRAZY!
