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[M-Rocka]

@oph. King

 

[oph.]

n

not saying am GLAD anyone was allegedly killed, but you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.

[M-Rocka]

cbcbcn

Well alright then...

[Dee]

When I first saw Calvin, I assumed he was very straight. Nothing in what he said or did gave me any indication. He was a down little brother.

Calvin was pursuing a career in acting. He was a model and had done a few commercials in the D.C area. He really wanted to break into acting. On a few occasions when I had time to talk, he and I will discuss my goal of becoming a film producer and his desires to become an actor. I must admit that I was smitten by him he had an engaging personality and an inviting smile. Whenever I came through the hotels lobby, I would see his handsome face and broad smile from behind the counter. He noded toward me and I would nod back smiling.

I became aware of Calvin's motives. He wanted my help by getting apart in a film. I like liked him and didn't want to be shallow, so I bought Calvin a book, The Artist's Way, that many actors swore by as they pursue their careers. I figured if Calvin read it, he would become motivated and make moves for himself. Sure enough, he loved the GIF, but the message was perceived in the wrong manner, and Calvin eventually asked me out. He wanted to hang out and show me around the city. I accepted. But Calvin had an ulterior motive. From his advances, I knew he was willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted. Well, if he was willing to play the game, so was I.

My part wasn't difficult. I had friends in the casting department and all I had to do was give them his photo and résumé. I eventually helped Calvin get into the film as an extra, and each time we slept together, he made sure that he put his all into it, as if his career depended on it.

[Dee]

Not a GOSPEL DL mess

I came across an opportunity to work as an assistant to one of the executives, "Orlando," for the Stellar Gospel Music Awards.
Orlando was an attractive, older man. Well, he wasn't that old; he was in his forties. He looked like the type of man who was settled down with a family in the suburbs, and he had no idea I had just gotten out of prison. He was impressed with my qualifications and the jobs I had held.

As we prepped for the show, Orlando invited me to dinner. I was game. I had not eaten a good meal since my release. During dinner I would catch him gazing at me. I felt uncomfortable because I knew that look. It was a look I had seen in the eyes of many men when I was out with them. It was passionate. It was lust.
I focused on my food. I refused to let my eyes meet his. I knew if I looked into his soft eyes I would respond. But I also considered how much older he was. Even though he was a good-looking man with a nice build, I just couldn't imagine myself in bed with an older man.

But Orlando continued to flirt with me. He made numerous requests for dinners and invitations to his home, and I would always make up some reason why I couldn't join him.
I was happy when we got closer to the show date because I knew he would be too busy to focus on me.
Working the show, I had the opportunity to meet some of the top gospel artists whose music I sang as a child in church, artists such as Shirley Caesar, BeBe and CeCe Winans, and John P. Kee.
I also got the chance to see how big the gospel industry truly was.
People from all over came into town for this event. There were choirs from North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Chicago. Backstage was like a huge family reunion. Everyone was greeting and hugging one another like they were distant cousins who had not seen one another in years.

As I ran around for Orlando, I noticed another scene happening backstage. Men screaming excitedly, embracing one another, and giving air kisses. They twirled around in their choir robes. Some sashayed flamboyantly, waving their hands in the air. I knew those types of men.
They were the brothers we whispered about in church. They were the men the ministers preached their antigay sermons toward.
Seeing these men, I was glad to be an outsider. Men like these are called "church queens." They are well known in the church community and travel from one church event to the next. I kept my sexuality a deep secret, like most down low men, and I was not a part of this church cir-cuit. Even though they appeared as if they were not bothered by what people thought of them and they hadn't a care in the world, I hated that they were so flamboyant and was glad I had not become that effemi-nate. I didn't want anyone singling me out and making fun of me.

After the first day of rehearsals and meeting most of the staff, I finally met "Clifford," one of the producers. He was an impeccably dressed man.
When Clifford walked in you would have thought the president of the United States had entered the building. Everyone surrounded him, shaking his hand and hugging him. He was well respected and well known. I was impressed that Clifford knew many people by their names. He asked about them and their families, and the way he touched them and put his hand on their shoulders, sometimes hugging them, made him appear fatherly. He was compassionate. He cared.
Yet, it was Clifford's interaction with the flamboyant men that made me notice how friendly he was with them. He knew them, personally.
They laughed and kee-keed like old friends. He was comfortable with them. There was a familiarity.
Clifford approached me with his broad, dazzling smile. "Who are you, young man?" he asked. His voice was deep and sounded like he was singing when he spoke.
"My name is 'Terrance."
"Hello, Terrance. What are you doing here on the show?"
"I'm the assistant to Orlando." Clifford looked at me, puzzled.
"The assistant to my Orlando?" he said as he placed his manicured