Hey everybody,
first of all, I want to make it perfectly clear, I have never reported the board and I did not get it shut down. Had I done so, my egocentric self would have claimed it a long time ago. Probably I also would have archived some of the best screenshots or something... I was just as surprised as anybody else when I typed in
brandysource.net... and nothing popped up.
Having cleared that up, there are a few things I need to address. Before I get into those it is important to share that before anything else I am a massive Brandy fan, have been so for many years, ever since my childhood. I know everything there is to know about her, I sat down for months creating, and editing dozens of her Wikipedia entries in several different languages. I have all her CD's and on a daily basis I look for any news regarding Brandy.
For example I just recently discovered she had a duet with Stacy Francis. Now I am trying my best to buy this CD, just to get this record.
I simply love everything about this woman and I want to stay in touch with whatever she does and stay updated, I also love interacting with other people who know her just as well and also enjoy her music, it is a great exchange, however exactly this exchange gets very difficult and draining, and regarding this circumstance, I want to personally acknowledge some of the sentiments among you:
YES I do get under people's skin, I am annoying and persistent as FUCK, I make a point and I never let go, I can argue about literally anything from whether it is ethically justifiable to live in and perpetuate the exploitation of billions of human beings via the Western World to whether Inoj has had a bigger impact on hip hop music than Truth Hurts. I really enjoy discussing stuff and arguing. Language and linguistic exchange has always been my weakness. I love using it and applying it in different situations and in a combative fashion especially, as it pushes the individuals to their limits language-wise.
I have on various occasions, disregarding several user's feelings, turned into a condescending, patronizing, disparaging asshole trying to spark the debate to an extreme, sometimes taking stances just to see whether I can argue them through, without considering how somebody else feels being constantly nagged and pushed. That is a very disruptive and asocial quality and I can perfectly see why it can turn lots of people off. I constantly create havoc and conflict, I antagonize all the time, without considering the bridges that are burned or the feelings that get hurt and the stress that is caused.
I want those whom I've argued with the most to understand, that it takes a certain level of acknowledgement and respect for me to even indulge in this type of back and forth with you. Knowing Jayden is so interested and informed about various things concerning the continent of Africa, qualifies him for some extra debates as I share that interest. Knowing you all understand and love R&B, makes a debate about R. Kelly a given. When Bre and Yumz discuss their feelings towards the LGBT community, I like to argue with them, seeing whether I can broaden my horizon. I just have a way on PUSHING my discussion on to something and overshadowing anything else, and that is disrespectful as hell to a plethora of members who don't want every thread they go to turn into a "Let's prove Malcolm wrong" show.
I rhetorically am very pushy, and very persistent and also I STING and I POKE wherever I can, I try to hit where it hurts (in the confines of the debate usually), and then I would expect the same form of retaliation. But many people have understood that this type of retaliation is exactly what I want and therefore have developed a pattern of throwing argumentative attacks out the window and move on to spreading video material, digitally altered gifs and pictures, including remarks and videos of my immediate family, screenshots of previous statements or perpetuating lies to defame my character. Basically aiming to completely destroy and devalue my entire persona. It literally always derails to blind rage and a feasting festival where everybody takes turns at getting a lick in when I start or spearhead a debate, and I understand now that it is a defense mechanism against my constant form of terrorism towards this board.
Initially I just could not follow how one can't just stick to arguing something out without making it some senseless hate rage. But I now have to realize, that the hate/antipathy comes from genuine annoyance over the years and is indeed some form of helplessness in trying to get my self-absorbed self to shut the fuck up. "Like get the fuck over yourself, you are not all that!"
I have a difficult time showing kindness and appreciation and I do tend to make every- and anything competitive or about myself or both. I am overly ambitious and I sometimes tend to get show-offy and that rightfully so can rub many people the wrong way.
So, while I still don't actually condone these actions or find them okay, I can officially sit here and say that I can understand where this frustration comes from and had it coming in one way or another, I take ownership in what I have done and what I still did until just recently and maybe will continue to do.
I still love this board and I will duke it out with my sis iman once those Buffet numbers come in, but I want to try my best to not be systematically disruptive anymore and let you guys have your fun. I have to understand that other people's opinions and feelings do matter and I have to understand that it is okay to be liked and not to always try and beat and out-run, out-wit etc the next person. It is a very ugly trait, online or offline.
XoXo,
