Would that be a person(s) you wanted in your life?
I'd like to think my friends cared about the things I was doing to actually give them some thought. ? whether they think it's wrong or right.
But as long as they weren't trying to condemn me. and vice versa.
im means..if we click fckin TIGHT
then ok
like i have a group of bruvs, i consider them BLOOD n am alway open wit them
but if u dnt kno me...move on weirdo! lols!
My loved ones always keep it 100 with me. If they see something toxic in my life, or (negative) behavior that's not in line with my usual behavior , they will pull me to the side and question it a bit. I wouldn't want people in my life that never challenged me. But I mean, there are people in life that won't challenge you, but these aren't the people I'd consider to be close friends or family.
My best friend is quick to call me out if she feels I need a wake up call. At first it's always like bitch, how dare you :udontlookok: , but in retrospect, just makes me even more thankful for her being in my life. A true friend will temporarily disregard your feelings to get a valuable point through to you. I've had to do the same thing to her before. And I got the same initial reaction of :udontlookok:
But when she looks back on the mess she knows I got her fucking back.
Quote from: Baphomet. on February 28, 2016, 08:46:37 PM
I'd like to think my friends cared about the things I was doing to actually give them some thought. ? whether they think it's wrong or right.
But as long as they weren't trying to condemn me. and vice versa.
!!!
I think there's a FINE line between caring about someone and being judgmental.
And if you only see a bit or piece of what someone is going through or just interpreting small pieces of your friends life... you can end up looking like an asshole by just blindly inserting your opinions :plzstop:
But being caring or judgmental can be fairly subjective.
A lot of times people confuse genuine concern with judgement or even condemnation.
It comes down to the level of sensitivity a person has IMO.
Or more importantly a misinterpretation of message or intent.
Maybe
but being judgmental is defined as "having or displaying an excessively critical point of view."
am sorry but being caring should never cross that line.
and as Baph said, there's a certain level of condemnation that shouldn't happen with caring ... there's definitely a way to be a caring person without being judgmental regardless of someone's sensitivity level
Maybe it doesn't cross that line, Bent
but it's all about how its received. You totally missed the point of my post.
There's a definite difference. judgement implies exactly what you just posted, and no, I don't want anyone like that around me. But I'd like to think my discernment is good enough and at a level to where I won't ever have to worry about advice or critique coming from any other place but a loving one.
it's ALL about delivery. We've all been taught that it's not what you say, but how you say it, and I practice that in my every day life. period.
When I give advice and I see some fuck shit, sometimes I even bring it back around to myself and let them know that I've either seen, done, or accepted some of the very same things I'm getting on them about. I can relate and THAT is why I'm saying this to you or warning you.
Quote from: Herbie on February 28, 2016, 09:01:51 PM
Maybe it doesn't cross that line, Bent
but it's all about how its received. You totally missed the point of my post.
I didn't miss the point sis
I just simply don't agree
http://vocaroo.com/i/s03stZTCNa9a
Quote from: Herbie on February 28, 2016, 08:54:24 PM
But being caring or judgmental can be fairly subjective.
A lot of times people confuse genuine concern with judgement or even condemnation.
It comes down to the level of sensitivity a person has IMO.
Or more importantly a misinterpretation of message or intent.
yea some people don't wanna hear SHIT :dead: but I don't keep those people around either. Ur not gonna keep fucking up, bringing everyone else down with that shitty energy and not expect to get a nice little wake up call. Absolutely not
Then you have the ones that ASK for advice and have a heart attack when you give it to them. I can't and won't
It just depends... I always cherish honest and unquestionable friendships. But there's a difference between calling out things because you care and just being judged...
If someone judges you and doesnt agree with attributes that define you as an individual, then I dont see how yall can truly be friends..
!!!!
if I don't use someone why the hell are we friends to begin with.
I damn sure wouldn't perch somewhere with a drug dealer/lowlife and call him bestie.
Only to use it against him later down the line :dead:
"waii. hol up. just realized ur a cokehead, and a loser :udontlookok: also unemployed. :sup: y r u here "
But if I know who my friend is, and see them straying away from their straight and narrow, I damn sure will pull them to the side and book them out of love.
I welcome it from someone who loves me and cares about me. Keep me in check and I'll keep you in check too. The problem is most people can give it out, but can't receive it without getting offended. I'm my biggest critic anyway so I'm not easily offended.
Quote from: Angel In Disguise on February 28, 2016, 11:18:21 PM
I welcome it from someone who loves me and cares about me. Keep me in check and I'll keep you in check too. The problem is most people can give it out, but can't receive it without getting offended. I'm my biggest critic anyway so I'm not easily offended.
and there u have it.
They're called parents.
I really don't care. I'm going to do what I want regardless of opinion or feelings. Family, Friends or Strangers. Idc.
Quote from: M?rg??l?l? on February 28, 2016, 11:23:25 PM
I really don't care. I'm going to do what I want regardless of opinion or feelings. Family, Friends or Strangers. Idc.
pretty fucking much.
Until, if I'm blessed with them, I have children, I honestly won't care about other's opinions. I'm the only person who pays these bills and caskets don't come as bunk beds so..
:letsmessfag:
Quote from: Angel In Disguise on February 28, 2016, 11:18:21 PM
I welcome it from someone who loves me and cares about me. Keep me in check and I'll keep you in check too. The problem is most people can give it out, but can't receive it without getting offended. I'm my biggest critic anyway so I'm not easily offended.
Well.. lemme just be helpful here lolz
Judgement should never be ok. And someone who loves you would not judge you. And even if you are very critical of yourself, it can be sometimes be a sign of low self-esteem if you allow others to judge you. There is a thing called "constructive criticism" which is VERY different from judgement.
Which is what I think you are referring to, constructive criticism, which is what someone who loves you would give, not judgement.
It can be quite easy and confusing to get the two mixed up, and stay in context, so I read what you wrote and I understand what you mean.
:wellheythere:
Quote from: BENTLEY! on February 28, 2016, 11:29:20 PM
Quote from: Angel In Disguise on February 28, 2016, 11:18:21 PM
I welcome it from someone who loves me and cares about me. Keep me in check and I'll keep you in check too. The problem is most people can give it out, but can't receive it without getting offended. I'm my biggest critic anyway so I'm not easily offended.
It can be quite easy and confusing to get the two mixed up
Which is what I've been saying from page 1 of this thread but you didn't agree with me. :plzstop:
Many people confuse the two. Which makes it so subjective based on reception
Quote from: Sirius on February 28, 2016, 11:26:15 PM
Quote from: M?rg??l?l? on February 28, 2016, 11:23:25 PM
I really don't care. I'm going to do what I want regardless of opinion or feelings. Family, Friends or Strangers. Idc.
pretty fucking much.
Until, if I'm blessed with them, I have children, I honestly won't care about other's opinions. I'm the only person who pays these bills and caskets don't come as bunk beds so..
:letsmessfag:
ssssss
but !!!!!!
I feel sorry for ppl who judge and for ppl who allow themselves to be judged. Judgement is not a sign of love, but more a means to determine punishment.
:letsmessfag: :letsmessfag: :letsmessfag:
Quote from: Herbie on February 28, 2016, 11:30:20 PM
Quote from: BENTLEY! on February 28, 2016, 11:29:20 PM
Quote from: Angel In Disguise on February 28, 2016, 11:18:21 PM
I welcome it from someone who loves me and cares about me. Keep me in check and I'll keep you in check too. The problem is most people can give it out, but can't receive it without getting offended. I'm my biggest critic anyway so I'm not easily offended.
It can be quite easy and confusing to get the two mixed up
Which is what I've been saying from page 1 of this thread but you didn't agree with me. :plzstop:
Many people confuse the two. Which makes it so subjective based on reception
:dead: But sis, that doesn't make it subjective, just because someone doesn't know the difference.
Judgement is judgement
and constructive criticism is a separate process. period.
That's why I corrected him, so he won't go around his whole life thinking he has to tolerate ppl that judge him :dead:
if that was the case gays and blacks would have no case against racial judgment because it's "subjective" and we would be deemed as being too "sensitive"
That was the point of the thread :plzstop:
Ur asking this as if it's something out of the norm. Ppl are judged everyday.
it is subjective.
just as the words pretty and ugly both have clear definitions
but it's still all in the eyes of the beholder. one person could be foine to one person and yuck to the next.
you busted out the Oxford dictionary as if that meant something in this conversation. no shade, it's all about reception.
Quote from: FINE. on February 28, 2016, 11:35:22 PM
Ur asking this as if it's something out of the norm. Ppl are judged everyday.
ok.
but the question was ... what is your reaction to it? :dead:
Quote from: Trey on February 28, 2016, 10:00:15 PM
It just depends... I always cherish honest and unquestionable friendships. But there's a difference between calling out things because you care and just being judged...
If someone judges you and doesnt agree with attributes that define you as an individual, then I dont see how yall can truly be friends..
THIS!!!!
And like someone said, people are judged every day.
Even by people on the internet judging whether their relationship is real, or for publicity...on their decisions on who their baby's father should be.....
That's judgement in its purest form.
Speaking to your friend with a spirit of concern is much different. But may be taken as judgement if they misunderstand where you're coming from, which by the way, happens a lot.
Quote from: BENTLEY! on February 28, 2016, 11:29:20 PM
Quote from: Angel In Disguise on February 28, 2016, 11:18:21 PM
I welcome it from someone who loves me and cares about me. Keep me in check and I'll keep you in check too. The problem is most people can give it out, but can't receive it without getting offended. I'm my biggest critic anyway so I'm not easily offended.
Well.. lemme just be helpful here lolz
Judgement should never be ok. And someone who loves you would not judge you. And even if you are very critical of yourself, it can be sometimes be a sign of low self-esteem if you allow others to judge you. There is a thing called "constructive criticism" which is VERY different from judgement.
Which is what I think you are referring to, constructive criticism, which is what someone who loves you would give, not judgement.
It can be quite easy and confusing to get the two mixed up, and stay in context, so I read what you wrote and I understand what you mean.
:wellheythere:
I thought you meant judged as in I do something wrong and they tell me I'm wrong. I welcome that. I disagree with "all judgment is wrong." I will definitely judge a tree by its fruit. It's not my job to cut it down, though. I just know where not to eat. A judgment is a decision based on evidence.
Quote from: BENTLEY! on February 28, 2016, 11:38:17 PM
Quote from: FINE. on February 28, 2016, 11:35:22 PM
Ur asking this as if it's something out of the norm. Ppl are judged everyday.
ok.
but the question was ... what is your reaction to it? :dead:
*:udontlookok:*
Well, yea that does happen it lot
I've seen friendships ruined from those types of misunderstandings... so that rings true.
Quote from: BENTLEY! on February 28, 2016, 11:48:48 PM
Well, yea that does happen it lot
I've seen friendships ruined from those types of misunderstandings... so that rings true.
!!!
It's not always about intent sometimes. Its just the way someone takes it. Often times when people are fucking up in life, they can get VERY defensive when someone calls them out on it. They can
see it as judgment, when it's not.
Admitting that you're wrong/have a problem is one of the hardest things that people have to do. So having someone else point it out to you before you get to that point, can be like :uhh: :uhh: :uhh: excuse you? Who the FUCK do you think you are :usureuok: You ain't perfect either bitch! :fuming:
I've seen it many times, when all intentions were good.
Yes fro!! You hit that shit on the head. Admitting to being wrong is usually people's hardest task. I know it used to be for me, still is at times.
My grandmother gets that way when my sisters try to tell her to slow down on the sweets. She knows she shouldn't have it, we know she shouldn't. But if they say something to her, she can get veryyy defensive, to the point where she's ready to read :dead: :dead: sdnsndnsdnsdnsdnsd her claws come OUT. And she tries to switch it up on them.
To us, it's helping her, to her, it feels like we're going in a bit and need to mind our business and worry about ourselves. :dead: :dead: she gets so VICIOUS when u try to get that snack cake out her hand. :plzstop: :plzstop:
:wub:
Quote from: Sirius on February 28, 2016, 11:53:42 PM
Yes fro!! You hit that shit on the head. Admitting to being wrong is usually people's hardest task. I know it used to be for me, still is at times.
!!!!!
I've had to have these types of conversations with my best friend. And she's had to have them with me. It's never an easy discussion because you have to be completely honest. You have to tell them shit they don't want to hear.
But if you love someone that's what the fuck you do.
Honestly, there is judgment involved to a degree because without being able to judge what needs to be improved , what discussion are you having? How can you tell them what you've seen that needs to be fixed? Or a track that they've driven off of, that they need to return to.
my bestie >>>
I remember how we met in high school...I was in 9th grade....
we were in study hall, she came up to me privately and told me
"They're over there asking whether you're gay or not, talking about it .... so I just wanted to come ask you, are you? :cheerup: "
s
d
sd
sd
sd
sd
sd
sd
ds
sd
ssdsddssdsd
While other gorls were whispering, wondering, judging...
she came str8 to the source and got down to business. :dead: we've been inseparable since.
she's gay as well.
that's the difference between my real friend and some bitch i say hello to in passing on the streets.
Quote from: RIG on February 28, 2016, 09:09:19 PM
Quote from: Herbie on February 28, 2016, 08:54:24 PM
But being caring or judgmental can be fairly subjective.
A lot of times people confuse genuine concern with judgement or even condemnation.
It comes down to the level of sensitivity a person has IMO.
Or more importantly a misinterpretation of message or intent.
yea some people don't wanna hear SHIT :dead: but I don't keep those people around either. Ur not gonna keep fucking up, bringing everyone else down with that shitty energy and not expect to get a nice little wake up call. Absolutely not
Then you have the ones that ASK for advice and have a heart attack when you give it to them. I can't and won't
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I take friendships seriously, and I've been friends with the same people since middle and high school. Sometimes I think I do a little too much for my friends and when I don't get the same respect in return, I'm hurt and ready to lash out.
It's like this situation I have now. I met this girl about two years ago when we worked together, but we became friends. Long story short, she quit, had two jobs after that and lost both. So I went to my boss and referred her and because it was me and my word, she got hired, no interview, no nothing. Soon as she got there, I find out she was dogging me out to the management and co-workers and all the that, I'm buying her lunch because she was hungry, giving her money cause she needed it, putting gas in her car even if I wasn't riding with her, I just knew she needed some gas, but yet you dogging me. I haven't been able to look at her since I was told this information. It's things like that that makes me wonder if I'm doing too much for people I call my friends.
Quote from: Scott. on February 29, 2016, 12:56:32 AM
I take friendships seriously, and I've been friends with the same people since middle and high school. Sometimes I think I do a little too much for my friends and when I don't get the same respect in return, I'm hurt and ready to lash out.
It's like this situation I have now. I met this girl about two years ago when we worked together, but we became friends. Long story short, she quit, had two jobs after that and lost both. So I went to my boss and referred her and because it was me and my word, she got hired, no interview, no nothing. Soon as she got there, I find out she was dogging me out to the management and co-workers and all the that, I'm buying her lunch because she was hungry, giving her money cause she needed it, putting gas in her car even if I wasn't riding with her, I just knew she needed some gas, but yet you dogging me. I haven't been able to look at her since I was told this information. It's things like that that makes me wonder if I'm doing too much for people I call my friends.
wow :uhh: wtf made her do that? people are so fucked up. If you don't use then why are you taking my money?
Yeah I'm very cautious of who I'm extra nice to. You do one good deed and you damn near become their parent or something. And/or ATM machine.
A big reason while I'm glad I've decided to get totally focused back on well.... me lolz.
(http://i.imgbox.com/adq2pcv6.jpg)
Quote from: Herbie on February 29, 2016, 01:35:28 AM
Yeah I'm very cautious of who I'm extra nice to. You do one good deed and you damn near become their parent or something. And/or ATM machine.
A big reason while I'm glad I've decided to get totally focused back on well.... me lolz.
(http://i.imgbox.com/adq2pcv6.jpg)
very true. I try and figure out whether or not they're asking for something out of a true NEED, or if it's just the easy way out for them cuz they know I'm nice enough to say YES 9 times out of 10
And I certainly don't go for it when it becomes a pattern
Quote from: RIG on February 29, 2016, 01:32:43 AM
Quote from: Scott. on February 29, 2016, 12:56:32 AM
I take friendships seriously, and I've been friends with the same people since middle and high school. Sometimes I think I do a little too much for my friends and when I don't get the same respect in return, I'm hurt and ready to lash out.
It's like this situation I have now. I met this girl about two years ago when we worked together, but we became friends. Long story short, she quit, had two jobs after that and lost both. So I went to my boss and referred her and because it was me and my word, she got hired, no interview, no nothing. Soon as she got there, I find out she was dogging me out to the management and co-workers and all the that, I'm buying her lunch because she was hungry, giving her money cause she needed it, putting gas in her car even if I wasn't riding with her, I just knew she needed some gas, but yet you dogging me. I haven't been able to look at her since I was told this information. It's things like that that makes me wonder if I'm doing too much for people I call my friends.
wow :uhh: wtf made her do that? people are so fucked up. If you don't use then why are you taking my money?
Right. In my face, she was the same person I knew and I loved, but apparently behind my back, she was talking shit about me as an "employee" when I was picking her slack and several others slack. Not to mention she was 38 hot about me taking off for Valentine's Day weekend (which is my birthday weekend), which I had taken off months in advance, before she even got hired there.
The people that informed me of her mess said she was slandering me as an employee, not a friend. But it doesn't matter to me because I NEVER slandered her in ANY way. I defended her a LOT when people came for her behind ha back.
Quote from: Herbie on February 29, 2016, 01:35:28 AM
Yeah I'm very cautious of who I'm extra nice to. You do one good deed and you damn near become their parent or something. And/or ATM machine.
A big reason while I'm glad I've decided to get totally focused back on well.... me lolz.
(http://i.imgbox.com/adq2pcv6.jpg)
But most people don't have to ask me. If I see you in need, I offer automatically. That maybe my biggest flaw. :'(
Quote from: Scott. on February 29, 2016, 02:17:01 AM
Quote from: Herbie on February 29, 2016, 01:35:28 AM
Yeah I'm very cautious of who I'm extra nice to. You do one good deed and you damn near become their parent or something. And/or ATM machine.
A big reason while I'm glad I've decided to get totally focused back on well.... me lolz.
(http://i.imgbox.com/adq2pcv6.jpg)
But most people don't have to ask me. If I see you in need, I offer automatically. That maybe my biggest flaw. :'(
im the same way. And it makes it worse when people see you are proactively giving to them. Cuz that type of person is rare and people will take advantage. Or simply take it for granted.
Fuck them. It's kinda all about me lolz
Yea, either way she's dead wrong. Like ur still making ME look bad. My character, work ethic, the way I interact with my coworkers ... ALL of that is important. So her coming for ur efforts at work is just as bad as anything :uhh: like bitch how dare you
It's always messy to gossip at work in ANY way. I try not to
Quote from: FINE. on February 28, 2016, 11:45:06 PM
Quote from: BENTLEY! on February 28, 2016, 11:38:17 PM
Quote from: FINE. on February 28, 2016, 11:35:22 PM
Ur asking this as if it's something out of the norm. Ppl are judged everyday.
ok.
but the question was ... what is your reaction to it? :dead:
*:udontlookok:*
:dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: