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[Bulldagger]

I'm just fckd in the head every time anyone assumes all folks of a demo. are the same

Especially if theyre apart of the group

I'm not assuming we're all the same...but assumptions come from somewhere. You can see that a lot of black gay men are single. A lot of them 30 years old aren't dating, esepcially at the rate of white men. White guys be like 16 and in a committed relationship and married by 35-40. I don't see that from a lot of black gay men. I guess you can blame repression, but still.

[Bulldagger]

and they want to be the divas. Even on this forum a lot of you come off standoffish, cliquish, egotistical and it doesn't make you look good at all.

*I'd love to marry a black man, but I don't know if it's realistic. He'd probably have to be British or some type of foreign because American men are fucked up.

so

what you're saying is.. you're single?

Actually, I'm dating right now.  I have no issues getting a black guy if that's what you think. I just don't like black [american] guys' approach and their mindset. Look - I've had this discussions with other well-to-do black guys and they feel the same way unfortunately.

Are you not black American?

Yes. I was born in america, but my family is from Portugal.

[GLOCK]

I do

[BrokenHeartsHeal]

wow its really sad to see young black gay men like yourselves doubt that you'll ever find true love.

Alarming even!

One thing that annoys me is that the black gay friends that I have are 27-48 and they're always mopping around and crying about not finding the right guy but then they always have these crazy expectations and I be wondering why don't you niggas just date each other?

[wizzy]

im still in my earl' 20's

[[[[]][]]][

[yummy]

This is the worst thread I've read in months

There's nothing wrong with believing in a fairy tale

Even if you don't believe in love, TRY, and maybe someone who does will see a potential spark between you guys

Gay couples aren't prominent because of so many reasons

Acceptance
Availability
Family
AIDS (kidding)

Just think of all the straight married couples you know that SHOULDN'T be married.  Perfect couples aren't just running around everywhere.

Believe in love or at least liking another guy or else you be a single 40 year old Fag or for some of you, even worse, pretending to love a woman to avoid being labeled gay AND single

And at the same time, everyone isn't meant to be in some life long relationship. But walking around hating men and thinking it'll only last for 6 months won't get you anywhere.

s

you must have a new boo

[LOONA.]

Lemme ask this,

Would yall date yourselves???

A lot of times these convos devolve into bashing others and the usual niggas ain't shit   discourse. But we all receive similar conditioning and if we all had the values we sought, our community might not be so damn...fucked tbh.

No I wouldn't date myself.

I don't really see the point in dating people with similar beliefs, interests etc. You can't really learn anything from them and they can't show you anything new.   

[wizzy]

Lemme ask this,

Would yall date yourselves???

A lot of times these convos devolve into bashing others and the usual niggas ain't shit   discourse. But we all receive similar conditioning and if we all had the values we sought, our community might not be so damn...fucked tbh.

No I wouldn't date myself.

I don't really see the point in dating people with similar beliefs, interests etc. You can't really learn anything them and they can't show you anything new.   

[Navyman]

my 2 cents:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0PXLijJ7ua6

Beautifully put!

[LOONA.]

I aspire to have a loving relationship like my parents.

My ex told me that wasn't possible because we're gay, but couldn't actually explain why we couldn't.

He grew up in a two-parent home, but not one in which the parents loved each other. He's never witnessed a loving relationship and he uses being gay as an excuse as to why he can't do it. It's not that he can't, he just doesn't know how.

I dont know, I dont feel like you need to be taught how to love. The feeling of love comes naturally to everyone regardless of how they were brought up. "Never seen 2 parents love each other" doesnt make sense to me. Things that make a relationship last like being considerate, communicating well, being faithful, and being affectionate are behaviors/life skills learned through general interactions with ANYONE throughout life. These are things you shoyld want to do and make a choice to do it as a fuckin adult in a relationship. If someone falls short in any of these areas thats simply a character flaw or immaturity. I feel like we are all capable regardless, you just have to want to. Same with the excuse that a man who beats on women does so because he didnt have a father to show him how to treat women. No, he's just an asshole. You dont need a certain figure in your life to show you how to take care of something you love....male, female or object. If youre beating on people, you simply werent taught to keep your hands to yourself or youre just violent. Maybe both.

So yeah, I dont buy the whole "doesnt know how to love because his parents didnt love each other" mess.

Bingo

At the end of the day its all about willing to commit to it.

Whether it be going back to school to finish your degree, going to the gym to get that weight off or being faithful in a relationship. Anybody can do any of these things but most people are lazy and procrastinate.     

[LOONA.]

Wait that's Theo

You're a whore hun     

[LOONA.]

You send first     

[Kurama]

Yes it completely exists, it looks different for a lot of people and I do think its difficult to truly acquire.

I also don't think many of us know how to cultivate meaningful relationships with other men; looking at communication skills, emotional intelligence, self & community awareness, it's understandable as to why we dont.

Why do you think we don't know how? Society views? The way we view ourselves as being black and gay?

Well, a few things:

Men aren't really conditioned to be effective communicators while also being socialized to feel that the only approriate emotion that can be exhibited is anger.

Queer men receive indirect and direct messages throughout their development that their queerness is wrong/deviant/bad. Some men buy into that and it comes out in a few internally homophobic ways

Society is hypersexual and there aren't many spaces for queer men of color to just EXIST without persecution outside of mobile apps and the club. None of which are ideal for building a relationship.

The apps in general are just expedited ways to fuck random people without getting to know them. If you see thousands of folks who just say a few things hook-up and move on as a young gay, you'll think that's whats normal and you buy into that and perpetuate it.

See Tonk what you won't do is ask me a question then get ghost when I share my intimate thoughts

That there is a problem

If you ain't want my feedback just say that

[Kurama]

Yeah

[spilled milk ;(]

Lol.